And then he was gone too…

I think the youngest son could have timed this better.

It is what you call a double-whammy.

No sooner had I put clean sheets on our youngest daughter’s bed, ready for the stream of guests we can have to stay now that she has left home [see 08/06/18] – but youngest son has gone too.

OK, it’s not for ever; just two years. But two years feels like forever when he will be, literally, the other side of the world. Apart from the most obvious problems like who will strim the hedges and mow the lawn for the foreseeable future, there is a deeper concern: who will keep us up to speed with technology, Top Gear and show us YouTube clips over dinner? Who will put his arm round our shoulders and call us short? Who will make us laugh because he acts like an idiot?

When someone leaves there is a hole that you didn’t know needed to be filled.

His car [the Mighty Astra] is sitting quiet and desolate in our garden. This car has driven www.freshcut.org.uk to great heights. It has completed many trips to airports picking weary travellers up and taking visitors back at all times of the day and night. It has been used to drive me down the motorway at speed just to show me he could. It has even backed into a new white car and left red marks down the side…

Oh, the youngest son was loud and bouncy. He was always in a good mood and I can’t remember when he was last grumpy. His favourite greeting to me morning and evening was, ‘You lovin’ life?’ So maybe he will be lovin' life in Australia, driving hundreds and hundreds of miles around, and talking about horses. He will be having BBQs on the beach, and taking selfies with kangaroos and koalas. How did parents manage before smart phones and internet? I have told him, I want regular updates about everything. And I mean everything.

Thank goodness next-to-youngest daughter is still at home. Even though she is out all day and most evenings it is a comfort to hear her car come up the drive and her key turn in the lock and know she is home safe. And although she doesn’t show me funny YouTube clips while we are eating, she does sometimes bring me tea when I am sprawled on the sofa, brain dead.

Next-to-youngest-son is supposed to be coming home in a few months after two years away. I think I will believe it when I see it as his return keeps getting delayed by more interesting things to do. But his bed is ready…

Living the dream

No, maybe not the roses round the door type dream. I just liked the picture. The dream I’m thinking of is a lot less high end. I’m talking plumbing here. Who would have thought such a basic thing as a bathroom could be a dream come true? Maybe I’m getting a bit carried away, but I’m still in the first flush (see what I did there?) of enjoyment of a new bathroom.

 After a gruelling two weeks of bucket-flushing at night, a man working in the bathroom all day, washing at the kitchen sink and sticking my head under the kitchen tap to wash my hair, plus the awful prospect of having to wee in a bucket in the garage if needs must (it didn’t as it turned out), at last we have a beautiful fully functional bathroom. The pleasure I get from being able to step into a shower seems out of all proportion.

I guess it’s going without it for two whole weeks that heightens the appreciation. It brought it home to me that this is what my Mum grew up with. She never knew anything different as a child. The family of eight had no bathroom. Just a cold tap in the kitchen, an outside toilet and a tin bath hanging up in the yard. My guess is that the tin bath didn’t get to come indoors very often. Imagine trying to have a strip wash at the kitchen sink  while your older brothers keep rattling the door handle, making out they are going to come in. 

I have taken indoor plumbing totally for granted, I see that now! Not any more though. I use the new shower, washbasin and loo with an appreciation that verges on well-practised mindfulness.

This is where the dream bit comes in…

Many years ago when Saggy and I still had our little ones around us, we listened in awed silence to a 60-something friend telling us how she woke every morning to her new day with a leisurely stretch and yawn, had her cuppa and took a relaxed shower. Taking her time to get ready for the day. No demanding toddlers, no kids to get off to school, no teenagers to dig out of bed. Saggy and I looked at each other. Just imagine that! What a dream that would be…

I remember that feeling now every time I step into the shower. This is that dream, I think to myself. It’s my turn for the leisurely morning start, and in some small way it helps to ease the ache of the empty nest. Ok, the dog needs to be taken for a walk, but at least I don’t have to get him ready for school.

So many dreams never come true, and quite frankly that’s not always a bad thing. But I like to enjoy the ones that do, even if its just a laid-back start to the day.

This is a sad one...

It just hit me and I wasn’t expecting it…

I have had several kids get married and yet there were always lots of younger children to keep me busy, so somehow there wasn’t such a big hole.

But now my youngest daughter has got married and I can’t get used to it.

I have two other kids at home. Lovely kids. But they are adults and don’t need me; one has a job and one goes to college. I say goodbye to them in the morning as they go off, and hello when they get back. In the evening they are busy with friends or activities and I say goodbye again as they go out, and I am in bed by the time they come home.

But the youngest daughter was not at college and didn’t have a regular job. She was usually around. She cooked dinner. She sometimes made me tea in the middle of the day. If I was going into town or to the shops I would say ‘D’you wanna come?’ and she often did. I even watched football with her sometimes.

I came back from the supermarket the other day, and as I was putting the meat in the fridge I was thinking about what to ask her to make for dinner. Then I remembered…

It’s not as though I am sitting alone at the kitchen table moping. No, I have a full and busy life. I work, I have hobbies, I have friends and a husband. I am not lonely. I am not idle. But I have to say there is a gap in my life that will be hard to fill and [no disrespect to my daughter] I wasn’t expecting it to be hard.

I have photos of her enjoying her new life. She has moved to a new country with a different culture and she has a lot to get used to, a lot that will be new everyday. We keep in touch on Telegram and Instagram so I have some idea of what she is doing. It helps.

Her bedroom is cleared out and it is so quiet. I used to hear her music thumping through the floor, especially when she was cleaning. Oh, especially when she was cleaning. And when she made dinner, yes, she liked loud music as it helped her to work. And ‘Rage Against the Answer Machine’ on Radio 1; she got me into listening to that with her – it was so funny.

I don’t know how long this strange time will last, but it might help if I go and tune into Radio 1 at 5.30. Maybe she will be listening too …

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4CG4LQ3T8z6SQkM694HTSrr/rage-against-the-answer-machine

The pic of the hand is from By LeftHand.jpg: Ludorderivative work: AS990 (talk) - LeftHand.jpg, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6652592