It just hit me and I wasn’t expecting it…
I have had several kids get married and yet there were
always lots of younger children to keep me busy, so somehow there wasn’t such a
big hole.
But now my youngest daughter has got married and I can’t get
used to it.
I have two other kids at home. Lovely kids. But they are
adults and don’t need me; one has a job and one goes to college. I say goodbye
to them in the morning as they go off, and hello when they get back. In the
evening they are busy with friends or activities and I say goodbye again as
they go out, and I am in bed by the time they come home.
But the youngest daughter was not at college and didn’t have
a regular job. She was usually around. She cooked dinner. She sometimes made me
tea in the middle of the day. If I was going into town or to the shops I would
say ‘D’you wanna come?’ and she often did. I even watched football with her
sometimes.
I came back from the supermarket the other day, and as I was
putting the meat in the fridge I was thinking about what to ask her to make for
dinner. Then I remembered…
It’s not as though I am sitting alone at the kitchen table
moping. No, I have a full and busy life. I work, I have hobbies, I have friends
and a husband. I am not lonely. I am not idle. But I have to say there is a gap
in my life that will be hard to fill and [no disrespect to my daughter] I wasn’t
expecting it to be hard.
I have photos of her enjoying her new life. She has moved to
a new country with a different culture and she has a lot to get used to, a lot
that will be new everyday. We keep in touch on Telegram and Instagram so I have
some idea of what she is doing. It helps.
Her bedroom is cleared out and it is so quiet. I used to
hear her music thumping through the floor, especially when she was cleaning.
Oh, especially when she was cleaning. And when she made dinner, yes, she liked
loud music as it helped her to work. And ‘Rage Against the Answer Machine’ on
Radio 1; she got me into listening to that with her – it was so funny.
I don’t know how long this strange time will last, but it
might help if I go and tune into Radio 1 at 5.30. Maybe she will be listening
too …
The pic of the hand is from By LeftHand.jpg: Ludorderivative work: AS990 (talk) - LeftHand.jpg, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6652592
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