WHICH HARD-DONE-BY-GENERATION ARE YOU?

Is the generational divide getting bigger? You’d think so if you listen to the media. Is it being stirred up deliberately for some unfathomable political purpose?...... Or maybe it’s just a topic that gets people going.

Even the way different generations are labelled is divisive. We've got the Wartime Generation, the Baby Boomers, the Boomerang Generation, the Sandwich Generation and the Millenials. It all sounds very ‘them and us’ to me. And all of them seem to be blaming another generation for the problems of modern life, and claiming to be worse off than all the others.

Why do any of us feel the need to be recognised as the most hard done by generation?

Well, I do have to admit, there have been times when I have been tempted to feel resentful about younger people having it easier than we did when we were young. Just as an example - supermarket parking spaces for parent and child. How I would have appreciated them when my kids were small! But I had to struggle with baby, toddler, pre-schooler and shopping in very tight spaces indeed.

(If you ever got your car scraped whilst parked at a supermarket in the 80s, that was probably me trying to get the kids out of the car. Sorry.)

So why do I want to say, “Huh, they should have to struggle like I did. Nobody gave us privileged parking”.

And then there's disposable nappies. “Oh it's alright for young mums these days, they don't have to be swilling out terry nappies every day. Buckets of stinking water all over the place, and no automatic washing machine…”

There are countless other ways that parents’ lives have been eased in practical ways. So shouldn't I be glad for them?

Well, yes, and I am really. Good for them, I say. I can also see that in other ways they have it harder than we did. And knowing the living standards and employment conditions my grandparents and parents took as normal, I can say they certainly didn't have a cushy life either. At least I had a car and access to supermarkets!

We've been lucky as a family. There are four generations and we all get on together brilliantly (most of the time).

I guess we should just stop trying to compete for the prize of having things the hardest. We had our problems, the young parents have theirs. Some of them are still the same, but many are different. Let them have their parking spaces and disposable nappies, I’m just glad I didn’t have to face the same pressures parents of today do.

I'M BUSIER THAN YOU!

It’s been creeping up on me gradually, but now I have to say something. I will start by asking a question:

Is there a competition going on that nobody told me about?

Maybe it’s because I remember the time when there were no shops open on a Sunday, and neighbours mowed their lawns or read books or went for a drive or did nothing. And that was perfectly fine.

Maybe it’s because I came from a family whose parents were blatantly uninterested in career progression and more interested in constructing a reading corner in our front room.

But people have just got a lot busier. It’s not just the fact that women work full-time as a cultural norm [as well as running the home in many cases (don’t get me started)] while their kids are still small. They do this whether they want to or not just to pay the rent/mortgage. No, it’s not just work. It’s extra stuff. We shoe-horn activities into our lives that before we had no idea about: our options are overwhelming.

And it’s all because we can.

Way back in the dark mists of time, say 1975 when I was newly married, I did all our washing on one day of the week in a twin tub. Not everybody knows what a twin tub is. The washing therefore took all morning, one load at a time, lifted from the washing half and dripped into the spinning half. Then pegged on the washing line in the garden if it was fine, or draped over a clothes horse or two by coal/gas/electric fires if it was raining. Then it would have to be brought inside, or rotated round the fires, then folded and put slightly damp probably in airing cupboards to ‘air’ or finish drying. This took a whole day. So then I would make dinner, then clear up. Then go to bed. The next day I would probably do ironing.

But today I stuffed a load into my automatic washing machine on my way downstairs before I made breakfast, then stuck some vegetables in my slow cooker for hot lunch as it finished. I took the load out and put another one in, where it quite happily washed itself without any input from me, freeing me up to go to the bank, the post office and do the food shop. And while I was doing all this I not only had a wash washing, I had a wash drying in my tumble drier. So when I got back I just folded it up and put it away. This happened with two more washes that I could stuff in and out of machines while I did something else. These are great time-saving devices.

But. Here’s the thing. I don’t save time. I don’t have a day off because all my work is done. I don’t sit down and relax all evening because I don’t do the washing up after dinner- my dishwasher does. No; I do something else. I go to private foreign language classes, I go to college one evening a week, I got a degree, I work part-time, I have two allotments, I have my eye on laying real floorboards down in my kitchen [new house has carpet – who puts carpet in a kitchen?], I bought a letterpress printer [well I bought two actually] just because I want to letterpress my own work, I write articles and I have started knitting [specialist/designer/who am I kidding] dishcloths, I bought chickens [Edith, Betty, Azubah and Hilda] and I plant vegetables in my garden.

Everybody else is the same. When I try to arrange a get together, it’s like pulling hen’s teeth. [I haven’t tried on my actual hens obvs]. It’s like a competition to see who is the busiest. We all list the things we have coming up like it’s a badge of honour for never having a free evening to do ‘nothing’ with friends. ‘Oh, I’m all booked up that week, can we try another evening.’ ‘Me too. I’m absolutely up to my eyes. I haven’t got a free evening for six weeks…’

I feel guilty if I am not busy. I should be doing something with all the time I have saved.

Why?

Why can’t I sit and read a book, or watch TV or just enjoy the sunset?

Apart from the Slow Food Movement, I’ve noticed something called the Else Society – where members are doing something ‘else’ than run round the hamster wheel and wonder where they are going. I might join...

So, Saturday we fly to Scotland for a week and I am proud to say I will be doing nothing but eating, drinking and watching the flames crackle in the log burner, with my first Terry Pratchett book lent to me by a friend. I wonder what I shall make of it.

Saggy

A WOMAN OF A CERTAIN AGE

A mellow look at middle age…

A woman of a certain age. That's what they used to call the middle-aged female. Funny expression isn't it. 

A study in 2014 found that half the middle-aged women they asked felt they were judged negatively because of their age and two thirds felt that society was geared toward younger women. Many said they had no confidence because of things like having grey hair, wearing specs and not being able to find fashionable clothes. They felt invisible, marginalised.

But how are ‘women of a certain age’ supposed to feel? How are we supposed to look and act?

How are we supposed to age?

To quote Cameron Diaz….

“I get so mad when I hear commercials on television where [they say] ‘anti-aging’, we don’t honour the journey and who we are and how much we have to offer. It’s almost as if we have failed if we don’t remain 25 for the rest of our lives. Like we are failures. Oh, I’m sorry, I apologise, I wasn’t able to defy nature.”

It does no good blaming anyone for feeling invisible or unimportant. It shouldn't matter about our youth centred culture. We don’t have to rely on male attention to feel validated. Personally, I no longer care about any of that.

To be honest though, midlife isn't all morning tea in bed and coffee with friends. There are some definite downsides because middle age comes with major life changes. There are adjustments to be made. Sadly, this often includes elasticated waistbands and reading glasses on a string round the neck. But all is not lost. With a little mental adjustment midlife can be rewarding and enjoyable.

From the day my grandma slipped on the stairs, landed on her behind and got stuck there, laughing fit to bust because she could see the funny side of it, I knew that was the sort of old I wanted to be one day, and middle age has been good practice for it. There's plenty of material for a good laugh every day.

There's the classic ‘what did I come in here for’. That's been going on for a long time now.

Then there's the ‘doctors/teachers/policemen are getting younger thing. Well, the first time I met our new dentist, I thought it was Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. There she was, a tiny pixie of a woman sitting on a high stool, looking about 12 years old. But no, she was the dentist, and a very good one she turned out to be.

 ‘Where are my keys/phone/biscuit?’ happens a lot, and of course, ‘where did I leave my tea?’.

There's even been the ‘where are my glasses….oh they're on my head’ scenario. And, more worryingly, while driving, ‘where am I supposed to be going?’

I'm just glad I find all this amusing.

When we were children, Saggy and I were fascinated by the clothes the middle aged and elderly chose to wear. We would spend ages looking at the older woman's clothing section of Mum's catalogue in fascinated horror. Was this the sort of thing we would have to wear when we got past 40? Floral Crimplene skirts, twin sets, tartan slippers with pom-poms, flannelette nighties, long line bras, enormous knickers, corsets for goodness sake! We shuddered.

Thankfully all that crimplene and flannelette is a thing of the past. Even old ladies don't wear corsets and bloomers any more.

We shape our own midlife experience. We wear what we like. We can even go to university if we want to. But more of that another day…

Moo

WHY I WON'T BE A GRUMPY OLD WOMAN

You might think that being grumpy goes with the territory when you get past 60. But you'd be wrong…

We’ve all met a stereotypical grumpy old woman or man, and yes, of course they do exist. But it doesn't have to be that way. And I've decided that ISN’T  going to be me.

You might be surprised to know research shows that over 60s in the U.K. are the happiest age group. It says so in Psychology Today so it must be true.

Psychologists have only recently realised that personality matures as we get older. Qualities and traits evolve... it seems we become more emotionally stable, which will come as good news to my family. I won’t be the same person at 90 that I was at 19.

So, as I get to the last part of ‘middle age’ and peer into the future of elderliness, I take heart from these findings. It is also backed up by my own experience.

I’ve worked with older people for over ten years, and I've met a few spectacularly grumpy characters. But on the whole there haven't been that many. They just tend to stick in the mind. I also noticed that the people who have the most to complain about usually do the least complaining.

I say older people have had a bad press. Anyone can be grumpy at any age. Show me a teenager at 8 o’clock in the morning, and I'll show you a grumpy person.

Life gets more fun even when the joints creak, so they say. If middle age is anything to go by I’d say that’s true. I already get a lot of pleasure out of the little everyday things.

This is me the day after my 60^th birthday with my senior discounted ticket to Flambards. See how happy I am to get a couple of quid off the price. Just wait until I get my bus pass!

It seems strange, but even though physical health may get worse after 60, mental wellbeing actually improves. There is less stress and responsibility, more acceptance and living in the moment.

On the down side, humour, particularly wit, is harder to ‘get’ when you're old. Although if my dad is anything to go by I'll be ok. On the other hand, I'm told I can look forward to laughing at slapstick, something that hasn’t appealed that much to me so far. Every age has its compensations I guess.

It doesn’t feel great to be negative, judgemental, critical and complaining. It doesn’t make the people around you feel great either. So, even though I might be a bit cranky occasionally, I am definitely going to go for non-grumpy as I get older.