THE BACK OF AN OLD ENVELOPE AND AN EYEBROW PENCIL

Me. Writing at my desk after carving out some time in the day...

The envelope and eyebrow pencil story is how I got my whole life in order, and before I go any further I must credit the author Pat King. I read a dog-eared copy of her book that I’d borrowed from somebody, and as soon as she described not being able to get to her desk because last week’s laundry was on it, I knew she would talk my kind of language. It wasn’t that she worked as a writer from home, as I was trying to do, or that she had a lot of kids, as did I, it was that;

a] she could see the funny side of the struggle, and

b] she had some really practical tips to get your life back

  This is where the envelope and eyebrow pencil come in.

  She describes the scene: Still in her pyjamas she has just got the kids off to school [late] and there is porridge drying in the dishes and waffle mix spread across the counter tops by the pile of maple syrup-sticky plates stacked ready to be cleaned. Plus last night’s supper dishes. She has to be out of the house at 12.00 and at the back of her mind she is thinking about the mess in the bathroom, bedrooms and front room and she doesn’t want to just walk out and leave it, but she hasn’t got time to clear everything up. But it’s all so overwhelming. So, her advice is this:

  Get a scrap of old paper, the back of an envelope will do, and something to write with, even the eyebrow pencil in your dressing gown pocket. [Nothing fancy here – we are not planning the whole month with military precision]. Then write down the time you need to leave the house, in her case 12.00 – then work BACKWARDS, just going from room to room doing the very basics; pick up wet towels, make beds, tidy shoes, throw away sweetie wrappers etc., and set a timer for each room.

  So, the kitchen is the biggest mess so set the timer for 45 minutes and you need to start it at 11.15.

  The bathroom will take just 10 minutes to pick up the wet towels, throw bleach down the toilet and swish round the basin and taps. You need to start here at 11.05 and set the timer for 10 minutes. When the timer goes YOU WALK OUT. To make the kids’ beds and pick their clothes up off the floor will take 20 minutes, so start at 10.45. The living room seems to have had a party in it and glasses and pizza crusts are still on the coffee table. Shifting all the dirties to the kitchen, a quick hoover and plumping the cushions should take 30 minutes, so start at 10.15. Walking through the hall and landing, picking up odd socks and more sweetie wrappers and emptying bins should take 15 minutes, so start at 10.00. Make your own bed and put on a wash, pick up the clothes on the floor and a quick tidy 15 minutes, start at 9.45. That means you have 45 minutes to have a shower, get dressed and put on your make up, do your hair and get yourself ready for the day.

  This works guys!

  It takes the panic of overwhelm away, and gives you structure. It gets the house looking OK, so it makes YOU feel better and in control. We can choose another day to get the house cleaned properly [or hire a cleaner]. It is perfect in its simplicity. The timer goes – you leave the room. It becomes a game, how much can I achieve in 10 minutes?

  If you suffer from overwhelm, or your house is messy and you don’t know where to start – find the back of an old envelope and an eyebrow pencil and give it a go.

Saggy

  

On Yer Bike!

Several years ago I was in a situation where I was on the operating table in the process of dying, but emergency surgery saved my life.

I was told that it would take me 6-12 months to recover emotionally and physically. But what the Consultant said surprised me. Instead of the the antidepressants that I was expecting him to offer me, he said, and I quote;

'Get out into nature. Feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. God didn't make man to sit inside concrete buildings all day.'

Feeling fragile, I knew I couldn't go on hikes or straight away cycle up hills. What I needed was fresh air and green calm. So I made one appointment a day that was non-negotiable: I strolled along the lane and sat in a field. And did nothing. I just gazed at the view and breathed in the air and watched the clouds. If it was raining, I wore a raincoat and took bin bags to sit on. If it was cold, I wore gloves and a scarf. If it was sunny, I wore sun glasses.

I was lucky in that we lived in a house that sat beside fields and green space, but if I had been in a town, I would have strolled to the park, got on a bus to the hills, wandered around looking for trees, anything to get out of the four walls.

And slowly I recovered. My husband bought me a bike and I started to ride along easy cycle paths. I gained strength and soon was able to join my friends Nina and Caro on an all-day bike ride. Though I was always behind....

And although that was years ago, I still remember that NHS Consultant and his advice: the sun and fresh air and 'nature' can be more beneficial than antidepressants. Exercise does your mind and heart good, as well as your body. So now, every time I feel tired and stressed, I think, 'On yer bike!'.

And it works...

Saggy

Hello January

Something comes over me at the beginning of every January.

Somehow ‘stuff’ seems to have built up over the past year, and by the time January gets here I'm itching to have a sort out. With spring just around the corner (in my mind at least), thoughts turn to getting rid of this clutter. Every year I see myself going through the place from top to bottom, throwing away things that are either not used anymore or I just don't like. Then spring cleaning every room until the whole house is shining like a new pin.

The reality has often fallen short, of course. Naturally, I blame everybody else. Or at least I always have done. But this year, I have nobody left to blame. The last of the kids have flown the nest.

It's all part of the waking up after winter feeling, mind and body starting to get more active as the days get lighter. I know there's plenty of winter left to come. I guess I'm just getting myself into gear.

Now, I haven’t spent the last 40-odd years learning to be a domestic goddess for nothing, and on the face of it my house looks quite clean and tidy these days (whatever Saggy might say), but what irks me is the useless stuff that has accumulated in the cupboards and drawers. I feel like I am storing a mountain of stuff I don't need.

My generation were brought up by the generation who spent their early adult years in post war austerity. They were taught never to waste anything or throw it away if it's still usable. It might come in handy one day. This attitude was passed on to us as we grew up, and we either reacted against it as soon as we had our own homes and went all minimalist, or we carried on the way we were taught. I was one who carried it on.

These days I'm all for recycling, but things should be passed on to someone else if they're usable, not stashed away where they will be unlikely to see the light of day again.

I’m looking forward to getting stuck in and sorting all this stuff out, no problem.

BUT…. there is another category of stuff which hasn't been so easy to sort out.  I have  kept a load of stuff for sentimental reasons….like the coat I bought new for my eldest when he was two, forty years ago. All the children wore it and now it's in a cupboard because I can't bear to part with it. Besides, there's still some wear left in it….

However, progress has been made in recent times!

There was the school work I couldn't get rid of. I used to keep everything the children brought home, but it threatened to take over the house, so I weeded it down to a selection from each and managed to get it down to one box full which I have stashed away. I don't look at it often (under eaves storage space is getting difficult for me to access) but I know it's there.

To manage all the cards, messages and small mementos that have been precious to me I have made a memory book. This is a much better way to store sentimental stuff that otherwise lies around in boxes or in drawers here and there. And it's fun to put together – you get to play with glue and scissors and other things that you might not have had an excuse to use since the kids were little.

                                             

Marie Kondo, the famous Japanese tidying guru, says we should only keep what ‘sparks joy’, i.e. makes you happy. Well, I've got an awful lot of stuff that gives me a happy glow, so now I've edited it, weeded it and worked out how to organise  it, I will be keeping the precious stuff and letting go of the rest.

Moo

Make it happen

 I made it happen! But I will tell you about that later….

Christmas is over; the decorations are coming down and the remains of the turkey have gone at last. We're fed up with excess, we've had far too much food and drink. School is back, we're back to work and the weather is set to turn even bleaker.

No wonder we think about the year ahead and dream about what we would like our lives to be. We probably make some New Year resolutions, but can't imagine how things will really be any different.

We want to change our type of work, do something we love rather than just grafting away at a job we hate because we have to earn money to pay the bills. Perhaps we sense time is slipping away, and the life which seemed to stretch ahead of us when we were younger now seems much more finite.

 Perhaps we feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we have, much of which we hardly use, and we yearn for simplicity. The more things we have, the more we have to look after. Stuff can clog up our minds just as much as it clogs up our homes, preventing us from living the life we dream of.

 

(No, this is not a room in my house)

 [You sure? – Saggy]

Now is an excellent time to decide we are going to achieve our goals. But, as the saying goes, if we want to change our lives we must change our mindset.

First, we must discover what it is we really want. When we find the answer, it may surprise us.

When I was doing a counselling course years ago, we had to have a counselling session ourselves with the tutor. She asked me what I really would like to do next, and before I had time to think I said

 ‘I want to get a degree in Psychology’. I hadn't known it consciously and if I'd had time to think I would have reasoned myself out of such an ambition. You know the sort of thing… I'm not clever enough, I wouldn't be able to get to a university, I can't afford it, I'm too old, and so on.

But once I'd said it, I realised that was what I wanted. I just had to believe in myself 

and make it happen.

I only wish I’d had the confidence sooner. So now I’m boldly deciding what I want for this year. I’m learning not to be afraid of failure. If something doesn’t work out then I’ll try it another way. They say every failure is a stepping stone to success, but if you never do anything in case you fail or are not good enough then you will never achieve anything.

I'm not going to say something cheesy, like follow your dreams.  I'm just going to say, if we want to achieve anything we have to sort our heads out first. Listen to the conversations we have with ourselves and learn to spot where we sabotage our own good intentions.

Moo