GETTING OLDER IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE…

I’m nearly 60 and I love it!

One of the advantages of getting older is that we have got memories. Whether we like it or not, we will have memories and experiences – some of which we want to remember and some we don’t. But hey – if you are young, or have kids I would say this to you…

One day you will look back and have memories of the time you are living now, and now is the time to make sure the memories you have in the future are good ones. So;

·         Let’s not waste time brooding over bad things people say or do to us

·         Be as generous as we can be to others as this nearly always makes good memories

·         Be honest and be kind, so we have nothing to reproach ourselves for when we get to 60

·         Make a decision not to be bitter about stuff, it saps our energy

·         Look to the future with hope and vision

·         Be aware that we make memories for your kids.

Now, there’s a thing.

Making memories for kids. I hope my kids won’t remember the times I lost my temper with them because they were just so, so, annoying, or hitting their siblings, or ignoring me, or being rude. Because as an adult I should have been developing strategies for coping with annoying, bullying, naughty and rude children in an adult way. Rather than yelling back or locking myself in my bedroom.

But we live and learn. And I did learn, maybe too slowly, but I did. And when we love our kids, we want to make them happy, don’t we? And what I learnt was that my main priority was to see to their needs, not to make my house look like the Ideal Home exhibition. Which actually was not even possible for me as we were so poor when our kids were small. We just have to learn to not mind, and to not compare ourselves with other people.

Talking of memories one of the things our kids used to love to do the most was this:

Now, it may not be immediately obvious to you what this is, but it was something I used to do under my parents dining room table, costs no money, and keeps kids quiet for ages.

It’s a den.

Remember them?

I think there is a sofa under there somewhere, and it looks like they have taken a cot apart for roof struts, and they seem to have purloined every single quilt, blanket and cushion in the house – but it was a very quiet morning for me. Hallelujah.

Any remembrance of the process of clearing the whole thing up at the end of the day has been lost in the mists of time, but I’m sure I made them do it at some point. Though in the summer hols it was just so much easier to leave it there…

And another thing. Jumping in puddles. Why stop them? They will do it anyway. I started off saying ‘Don’t jump in the puddles’ just because my Mum said it to me, and OK on the way to school is not a good time. But why not let them do it on the way home and give them clean socks in the morning, if they have some. It would save so much nervous energy just if we don’t automatically keep stopping them doing stuff that isn’t dangerous, but just inconvenient.

See here;

He wanted to get in the water. He had no swimming stuff. I thought; his clothes will get wet. Then I thought; it’s a hot day, what the heck. So he did. He was happy for a long time.

Kids love taking things apart, which is fine as long as you don’t expect them to put them back together. Just give ‘em an old radio or laptop and a screwdriver and leave them alone.

And stories! 

When I was young we had no alternative at night time to having a book read to us. There were no story cassette tapes in the early 60’s, no CD’s for Mum to switch on and leave us to it, no iPad etc. She had to physically sit with us and turn the pages as she read to us and that is a different experience than listening to a tape.

And I know Mums are busier now, and they go to work and have so many tasks set by primary school these days from spelling tests, to reading books, to times tables, to projects and book days.. but every now and then, to snuggle down with your kids and read to them is magical.

There is one story book I remember from my teeny tiny years.

Now, although Noddy shaped my concept of the importance of keeping your house 'spick and span', and how you must clear away the tea things and wash up your cup and saucer and shake the crumbs off the red and white checked tabled cloth outside, before you can go out for the day etc etc,  I would say 'My First Book' was the bedrock of my childhood, and bathed me with a sense of security.

Yup, the day was orderly.

     

Now these two pages I could recite from memory to my kids when I put them down for a rest after lunch. They knew what I was going to say, it was a ritual. Though for the boys I changed it to, 

'After dinner I go for my rest;

I'd rather play, but Mummy knows best.

A favourite car I take with me;

The time passes quickly then, you see.'

And I never insisted they slept. I used to say, 'read [or play with your car] for one hour then I will come and get you'. And they usually fell asleep anyway...

And of course, Daddy [the handsome, reliable breadwinner] would appear at the end of the day after earning the money to pay for the house and home that Mummy kept so 'spick and span':

Happy Days....

Saggy