THE BACK OF AN OLD ENVELOPE AND AN EYEBROW PENCIL

Me. Writing at my desk after carving out some time in the day...

The envelope and eyebrow pencil story is how I got my whole life in order, and before I go any further I must credit the author Pat King. I read a dog-eared copy of her book that I’d borrowed from somebody, and as soon as she described not being able to get to her desk because last week’s laundry was on it, I knew she would talk my kind of language. It wasn’t that she worked as a writer from home, as I was trying to do, or that she had a lot of kids, as did I, it was that;

a] she could see the funny side of the struggle, and

b] she had some really practical tips to get your life back

  This is where the envelope and eyebrow pencil come in.

  She describes the scene: Still in her pyjamas she has just got the kids off to school [late] and there is porridge drying in the dishes and waffle mix spread across the counter tops by the pile of maple syrup-sticky plates stacked ready to be cleaned. Plus last night’s supper dishes. She has to be out of the house at 12.00 and at the back of her mind she is thinking about the mess in the bathroom, bedrooms and front room and she doesn’t want to just walk out and leave it, but she hasn’t got time to clear everything up. But it’s all so overwhelming. So, her advice is this:

  Get a scrap of old paper, the back of an envelope will do, and something to write with, even the eyebrow pencil in your dressing gown pocket. [Nothing fancy here – we are not planning the whole month with military precision]. Then write down the time you need to leave the house, in her case 12.00 – then work BACKWARDS, just going from room to room doing the very basics; pick up wet towels, make beds, tidy shoes, throw away sweetie wrappers etc., and set a timer for each room.

  So, the kitchen is the biggest mess so set the timer for 45 minutes and you need to start it at 11.15.

  The bathroom will take just 10 minutes to pick up the wet towels, throw bleach down the toilet and swish round the basin and taps. You need to start here at 11.05 and set the timer for 10 minutes. When the timer goes YOU WALK OUT. To make the kids’ beds and pick their clothes up off the floor will take 20 minutes, so start at 10.45. The living room seems to have had a party in it and glasses and pizza crusts are still on the coffee table. Shifting all the dirties to the kitchen, a quick hoover and plumping the cushions should take 30 minutes, so start at 10.15. Walking through the hall and landing, picking up odd socks and more sweetie wrappers and emptying bins should take 15 minutes, so start at 10.00. Make your own bed and put on a wash, pick up the clothes on the floor and a quick tidy 15 minutes, start at 9.45. That means you have 45 minutes to have a shower, get dressed and put on your make up, do your hair and get yourself ready for the day.

  This works guys!

  It takes the panic of overwhelm away, and gives you structure. It gets the house looking OK, so it makes YOU feel better and in control. We can choose another day to get the house cleaned properly [or hire a cleaner]. It is perfect in its simplicity. The timer goes – you leave the room. It becomes a game, how much can I achieve in 10 minutes?

  If you suffer from overwhelm, or your house is messy and you don’t know where to start – find the back of an old envelope and an eyebrow pencil and give it a go.

Saggy