Following what Moo was talking about last time – how you are
always a child to your parents even when you are an adult; I can’t pass this
topic by unless I put my oar in too. My mother says things like ‘I’ve got your
favourite bikkies in’ or ‘what you need is a nice hot bath’ to me, a 60-year-old
with a senior rail card.
And yet, at the same time you will find that you must take
over the task of helping them organise their lives when they are past it need
a bit more help, and you have to start issuing instructions back to them. There
is this strange see-saw period when the balance of power veers from one side to
the other, sometimes in the space of one visit.
After being offered my favourite bicky, I then glance down
to find a box of Belgian chocs by the side of each chair. It’s a free country
and my parents are consenting adults, so they can eat what they like without
input from one of their ‘girlies’, but when they say things like – ‘my blood
sugar was up last week, and I have no
idea what I am doing wrong’ – I feel obligated to tell them why.
There is a protocol involved in correcting aged parents, and
I have a few tips to offer middle-aged children like me who are placed in this
position of responsibility.
1.
Never tell them they are in the wrong directly. You just have to accept the
fact that however old you are, however many achievements and experiences and
qualifications you have amassed since you left their direct care – you are still their kid. Which means,
ultimately, that they know better than you do even when they don’t. Ah, yes,
there are times when they ask your advice, but I get the feeling that it is
because they want to make us feel valued and useful. Kids need all the
encouragement their parents can give, and the habit is hard to break.
2.
Give them dietary advice with a pinch of salt.
Well, maybe pass on the salt if it is refined table salt. But will they try the
Celtic sea salt which retains 84% of the minerals that are lacking in the table
salt? Nope. Or believe the recent research on wheat and gluten? Nope, and why?
– because their parents ate it and were fine, is why. To be fair, if you are in
your 80's and you couldn’t get to the shops easily and wasn’t able to use a
computer to order home deliveries, then the whole diet thing would be really
hard to get your head round, even when your daughter writes a week’s menu and a
shopping list. It’s just too much hassle, and I do understand that guys, I
really do.
3.
Give them lifestyle advice with your fingers
crossed behind your back. And yet, one day they surprise you. The crafty old so
and so’s make sure that they leave just enough time between your advice and
their action, so it looks like it was their idea all along. Fair enough.
They’ve probably forgotten you said anything anyway [it’s the statins…].
4.
Expect failure with cheerful resignation. Because,
at the end of the day why should they listen to you? So, if any of my kids ever read this and want to wade
into my life with good advice when I am 80 I think it is fair to say I will be
probably retain the right to do my own thing anyway. So kids: all your advice
will roll off my back when I enter my dotage and I will live how I please. But
at least, I will understand how you feel. And you have my sympathy…
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